Normalising habits that are not at all normalised — R Voice

Normalising habits that are not at all normalised

Vivien Kretz
Vivien Kretz Member Posts: 251 ✭✭✭
edited February 23 in Self-care & Wellbeing

I came across this wonderful image the other day. 

I think all of these things that are ‘okay’ and should be normalised in our fast-paced society. 

I would definitely like to normalise rest days and being busy without doing anything, too. 


What would you like to make ‘okay’ and normalised?

Comments

  • Shruti Turner
    Shruti Turner Member Posts: 465 ✭✭✭✭✭

    YES! YES! YES!

    Am I guilty of feeling guilty about all of those things? Sadly, also yes. But, hey, I'm only human. I know that I should learn from my mistakes and that I should accept help but we can only do so much and still keep ourselves going. I think it's important to reflect on the ways we can move forward/could have done things differently but that is very different to beating ourselves up for not doing them. I, personally, find that a scarily blurry boundary sometimes!

    Thank you for sharing @Vivien Kretz - I didn't know I needed to see this until I saw it :)

  • Vivien Kretz
    Vivien Kretz Member Posts: 251 ✭✭✭

    Thank you so much for your beautiful words @Shruti Turner! Yes, I guess we’re all guilty of it, but the first step is to acknowledge that and that is already amazing. I read this quote the the other day that said that being independent does not mean that you are prohibited from accepting help. Let’s try to beat ourselves up for human things a little less every day.

    I am happy this post helped you. 🌞

  • Jayashree Rajagopalan
    Jayashree Rajagopalan Member, Administrator, Moderator Posts: 319 admin

    This is lovely @Vivien Kretz and I confess it made me a bit emotional. At so many points in my life - almost as frequently as every day, I have been guilty of not being okay with any of the things listed here. I've mentioned this on my recent conversations here that I've only now begun to calm down and begin to slowly digest that it's okay that some things are not and that I need not be fine or productive or successful or energetic or happy or simply the best. But one thing I am very proud of - One HUGE lessons or step forward for me was a few years ago when I actively started disconnecting from people who were not good for my mental health. This included leaving WhatsApp groups, not having conversations with a few folks, etc. This has made a huge difference to my own time (actual and mental). I was suddenly free of unnecessary self-imposed expectations and I had no negative baggage to deal with, even if that means I now have less than a handful of friends. Thanks for this reminder. I needed to hear this today - hasn't been super productive. 🙌

  • Andrea Hayward
    Andrea Hayward Member, Administrator, Moderator Posts: 941 admin
    edited February 24

    Thanks for starting this conversation @Vivien Kretz. You're 100% right! These things shouldn't be just OKAY. They should be normalized to the point that no one even bats an eyelid when it happens.

    I'd like to normalize:

    • Doing nothing on some days (I feel like I'm making some progress on this front. Sunday is my day right now. I try to finish things like chores and cleaning on Saturday so that I can actually laze around on Sunday. Or I try and do the bare minimum, still a work in progress)
    • Accepting that your pace and productivity will vary across the week. I know that like me, a lot of others feel guilty if they've not done today as much as they did yesterday or last week. We fail to see that if every day is not the same, then how can we expect our productivity to be the same.

    This is all I can think of for now, but I will keep thinking and come back to this post :)

  • Shruti Turner
    Shruti Turner Member Posts: 465 ✭✭✭✭✭

    Ah, I love quotes like that which remind me to be kind to myself. There's one I like that is similar..something about being independent doesn't mean you have to do everything yourself!

    Happy to make the pact with you about trying to beat ourselves up less and less for human things :) x

  • Vivien Kretz
    Vivien Kretz Member Posts: 251 ✭✭✭

    Oh, so happy that it made you emotional @Jayashree Rajagopalan ! At the end, that is the deal with these shares about self-care! I hope they trigger something and emotional release is always good. ☔️

    I often also struggle with not being okay with these things, so I am joining you in this, you are not alone. What I always find important as a reminder is that we are not at 100 percent capacity everyday. And that includes not having to be all smiles every day.

    I am so happy you learned to cut out people in your life. It really is like losing kilos and kilos of baggage... I once read this quote saying "Losing toxic people is a win" and that is so true. If someone doesn't support you, fund you or love you healthily, you are really better off without them.

    You are doing great. Give yourself a pat on the back for all of your efforts, completely detached from the outcome. 😊

  • Vivien Kretz
    Vivien Kretz Member Posts: 251 ✭✭✭

    Yes yes yes @Andrea Hayward ! That is an amazing little list of ideas! I feel like doing nothing for a whole day should be a lifestyle choice! (And that actually means nothing, just basic hygiene and making a meal, no cleaning nor working of any sort!). Doing nothing really should be doing nothing. We already include to many things into 'nothing', I think. Some friends of mine will say they did nothing after FaceTiming three friends, writing emails and tidying up. 🤯It certainly is not nothing. 😊

    Absolutely, not every day is the same. Mental health fluctuates and healing is not linear. 📈📉I needed this reminder today after waking up from a terrible nightmare this morning, which threw me off the horse. 😔

    Thank you so much for your words!

  • Gayatri Ramachandran
    Gayatri Ramachandran Member Posts: 217 ✭✭✭

    I just cant come to terms with being okay with some of the habits here @Vivien Kretz. I am jolly happy not being ok with them and find that stress is required sometimes, to make me see sense! What!, this is antagonist to self-care you might think. But, to forgive myself for "committing the same mistakes"? - Not at all, I've made too many in human relationships to make more! I could relate to @Jayashree Rajagopalan on this note when she spoke about cutting off from people who did not deserve you. I did that twice and feel guilty even to this date that there was a second time for the same mistake (the mistake being overly trusting and giving the benefit of doubt to the other supposedly sibling-like person)😔. There have been several times when I have felt cheated and unforgiving towards myself (probably due to the overthinking about what all transpired) for the same reasons. Even as I write this, I am doing that to myself.

    Another thing in the list here that I just cant imagine, leave alone being okay with, is- not doing anything some days. I cant even sit not doing anything for an hour!😂 I am a Mom, so its justified! (I think(?)) The workaholic in me makes it annoyingly difficult to put up with my fanaticism towards work, more so for my family! I should really be grateful to my better half for being considerate and understanding when I cant get myself to say that "this is a waste of precious time", just so I don't hurt his sentiments. But my body keeps giving me signals quite often to rest, and it has taught me to take them seriously (by giving me enough hiccups in work due to health issues). So self-care gets integrated here and thats the only few hours in a month when I do not do anything but simply rest and while away time😁.

    The rest of the list above I am perfectly ok with. In fact I struggle A LOT to ask for help, not unless I am pushed to the brink. I've observed workaholics do not like asking or accepting help. Others here might agree on this. Though we know it is not a healthy habit, yet it is kind of a "wiggly and uncomfortable feeling" to ask or accept help, again, unless in dire necessity.

  • Vivien Kretz
    Vivien Kretz Member Posts: 251 ✭✭✭
    edited February 28

    Hi @Gayatri Ramachandran , thank you so much for your elaborate message!

    I really get why you would not deem these things worthy of normalisation and that is very much understandable considering the work environments we are put in that demand the best of us every single day. 

    I agree with you, short-term stress can sometimes give you the adrenaline kick that you need. ☕️ However, when stress lasts longer than a day, we are hyper-stressed and that is when stress starts to have negative effects on our health and it is time to take a step back. 

    Forgiveness is a skill that can be practiced. I 100 percent agree with you, committing the same mistake is not good and can have a detrimental impact, especially, for yourself, however, you can still forgive yourself without naming your mistake as good. Forgiveness simply means to move on from it without condemning yourself for it. The way you speak to yourself matters and it is really unproductive to live in the mind and body of someone that one is at war with. So that is why forgiveness makes it easier to deal with these memories that are locked up in the head. 

    So in the end, it all comes back to how you can protect yourself and your health. I am sorry that you experienced such terrible behaviour from a person who did not deserve your care. Giving them a second chance was the human in you speaking and that is beautiful. Even though you regard it as a mistake, maybe you can try to reframe it as a crucial experience? Reframing can help us beat ourselves up a little less. 

    Also, spending days resting is absolutely rare in our society, I 100 percent agree. I think the fast-paced era adds into how it is really really hard for us to sit still for even an hour. Furthermore, the challenging job of a mom makes it almost impossible to take time between activities and issues to take the much needed rest, I understand that.

    I have learned from a doctor once that when your body is giving you signals to rest, your body is already hurting and SCREAMING for rest. Similarly to thirst, one should always be hydrating but when you start to feel thirsty, that means that you are already dehydrated.💧 So one may make sure to implement self-care into everyday life to prevent the full shutdown. So even if your day is filled with only relaxing activities and no work, that can already be a step to improved mental health. 

    I am happy you aim to ask for help a little more! I feel the same, I often cling on sooo much onto being independent that I forget that I am allowed to make my life easier and ask others for health. Because at the end of the day, it really makes life so fruitful. 😊

  • Andrea Hayward
    Andrea Hayward Member, Administrator, Moderator Posts: 941 admin

    We already include too many things into "nothing" - @Vivien Kretz this is SO true and relatable. I'm reflecting on the Sunday that just went by and although I wanted to do nothing, I found myself feeling extremely guilty and thinking "oh maybe I'll do JUST this or ONLY that. It's not too much work anyway". I feel like on some level we feel like we're failing if we do nothing or feel like it reflects badly on us somehow. Definitely something I need to work on!

    I'm glad I could give you a reminder when you really needed it! Hoping your sleep was more peaceful and nightmare-free over the weekend ☺️

  • Gayatri Ramachandran
    Gayatri Ramachandran Member Posts: 217 ✭✭✭

    Thanks a ton @Vivien Kretz for taking the time out to relate absolutely to what I am going through and suggest such supportive strategies!! Indeed, very appreciative and grateful for that😍.

    You know what, I needed this support very badly, so I am going to print out this and pin it on my desk so I read it everyday and soak in the attitudes, bit by bit, incorporating these suggestions into my mental feed. Yes, I am going to! Another way of self-care. Thanks again!

  • Vivien Kretz
    Vivien Kretz Member Posts: 251 ✭✭✭

    Exactly, that is the main issue. We feel like we are FAILING for something that is absolutely natural. Activity cannot be without rest. It's part of the cycle.

    Thank you so much for your wishes! And yes, I stayed nightmare-free and I am so happy about that! It really shows me that taking a rest has done something for me. 😊

  • Vivien Kretz
    Vivien Kretz Member Posts: 251 ✭✭✭

    I am happy these words were helpful to read @Gayatri Ramachandran . Wow, I feel honoured that you want to print out these strategies. Very honoured. ☺️

    I totally get where you are coming from. When I was younger, I was both conditioned by a toxic parent and society that my activities and achievements equaled my worth. They do not. And reversing those types of statements in our heads is very very heard because they are the only way we know how to think. How to address ourselves. But reversing them is possible, we just have to take it one day at a time. 💛

    I am happy I get to join you a little bit on your journey.

  • Gayatri Ramachandran
    Gayatri Ramachandran Member Posts: 217 ✭✭✭

    Yes, Ive started the process. Yay! feeling proud about having started it ✌️I am telling myself that going slow is good for me. I am pushing overthinking to the backseat. And, Ive pinned it on my wall, first thing, this morning☺️