Brave decision for my mental health — R Voice

Brave decision for my mental health

Yufita Chinta
Yufita Chinta Member Posts: 105 ✭✭✭✭

Hi all,

I've been absent from social media for awhile, due to a condolence news and some bad situation I had at school and office. So, I am sorry that I could not respond the tags in discussion posts in this platform. I am not totally okay, but I decide to recall my positive spirit and restart every positive thing on my life, including by sharing my personal story to you. It won't be detailed (I'm still traumatized to remember each moment), but I hope someone can extract the message.

I worked as a part-timer in a company since March this year. I love the job so much. Unfortunately, I had to deal with some situations that disturb my mental health. Here, I want to share a part of the situations. As a beginner, I have few knowledge and skill in the field. I was asked to follow a staff (XX), who is an expert. In some cases, the procedures are wrong. Instead of speaking to XX, my boss (XY) always directly blamed me. The worse, XX muted: no clarification and no defense for me. There, I feel I am always fooled.

And then, it is a pandemic situation today that insists us to be aware. The company well arranges the written rules to restrict any spreading possibility. But, I refused to take vaccination, because of a personal reason. It is fine that my name will be cross out from vaccination recipient list of the company. What is not fine was that XY scolded me and intimidated me. Unfortunately, no witnesses at the moment. One day I was dehydrated causing long fever. While I taking day off for the recovery, XY mailed me about having a dinner outside with all of staffs. In the mail, it is written that the dinner is not a mandatory and it is understandable if I won't join since I am aware of the pandemic situation. I am truly speechless to find a huge contradiction on XY.

I had been patient and kept the discomfort moments for myself. I could not clarify each case and situation to either XX or XY at the time, because of the hierarchy and culture. Because of that, I feel I can't go for longer in the company. Nothing good in the future from the guys. So, I take the extreme decision: leave the company. The only one thing I am sad about is that I have to leave the job I really love.

I had to stand in an intersection: stay for the job I love but possibly being more irritated OR detach myself from the mental health disturbances but lose the job. In the final, I bravely decide the late choice.

Comments

  • Andrea Hayward
    Andrea Hayward Member, Administrator, Moderator Posts: 455 admin
    edited August 31

    @Yufita Chinta I just want to start by saying that you have nothing to be sorry about when it comes to your time away from R Voice. We completely understand that this has been a very difficult time in your life and it's important for you to take care of yourself in a way that works best for you. Despite all of this, you've returned to share your story and pour your hearts out to us. That is incredibly brave and I really appreciate you trusting us and being so honest with us. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to relive this time and type it out here.

    I am so so sorry to hear about the nightmarish job situation you've had to endure. It's a pity how common such kind of bullying and gaslighting has become in academia and no one should have to experience this 😔 Both XX and XY could and should have done better, and just been better people! Neither's behavior is acceptable and there are no excuses for such hostile behavior in the workplace. I'm so irritated at the fact that they targeted someone as kind-hearted and caring as you. I am so sorry, Yufita. To have to go through this and silently endure without having any support from a trusted colleague must have been terrible. It breaks my heart and I really wish that it had turned out better for you 😣

    While it makes me very sad and angry that you had to turn away from a job you love, for no fault of your own, I just want to say that I'm very glad that you decided to chose yourself and your mental health! I'm sure this couldn't have been an easy decision and I see so much strength and courage in it. I know that this doesn't mean much but I completely support and stand by your decision of putting yourself and your health first. You are the priority here and it shouldn't be any other way. I am so inspired by you and I have to admit that I teared up a little while typing this out.

    I hope that you get as much time and space as you need to heal from this traumatic experience. Most importantly, my sincere wish is that the next time you start working at an organization, it is one that is deserving of your special presence. Sending you tons of strength, hope, hugs and all the best wishes for the future. 🤗

  • chris leonard
    chris leonard Member, Administrator, Moderator Posts: 128 admin

    A good thing to do to make sure this doesn't happen to the 'next' person they get in to replace you (although you irreplaceable!) is to make sure you are clear to the HR team why you are leaving. Say it is your dream job, but was turned into a nightmare by XX and XY (and name them in your letter). It will hopefully lead to some kind of corrective action being taken so that this doesn't happen again. Maybe leave it until your last day if you want to avoid conflict.

    And on a personal note, I'm happy you are not putting up with this toxic situation and are instead looking after yourself. Better jobs - with nicer people - will come along.

  • Kakoli Majumder
    Kakoli Majumder Member, Administrator, Moderator Posts: 148 admin

    I'm really sorry to hear this @Yufita Chinta - I know how much you loved this job. It was a really brave decision on your part and I'm glad you chose to put your foot down and get away from the toxic environment. Accepting harrassment by those in positions of power has become quite the norm in academia, and I'm proud that you stood your ground and refused to accept it. Agree with @chris leonard that you should consider explaining your reason for leaving to HR before you quit. As you always say, we should do our bit to give back and help improve the situation for the next person who comes in. I must say it makes me happy to see how strong you are growing every day! Proud of you!

  • Yufita Chinta
    Yufita Chinta Member Posts: 105 ✭✭✭✭

    @Andrea Hayward , @chris leonard , @Kakoli Majumder I appreciate your warm comments, strengthen me. This is why I always feel that R Voice is a home, embracing me both in the happy and sad moments. Let me respond to each of you specifically.

    @Andrea Hayward Thank you for being here with me, standing by my decision. Thank you also for being sad 😔 and angry 😠 and tearing up with me 😥. It makes me feel that I am not alone and what I decide is the best considering my priority as you mention. I can't either control or change XX and XY, but change and control myself. And I want to be stronger from now on. Yes, there must be a better place for me.

    @chris leonard I receive your professional and personal comments. Thank you so much. You cheering me up that strengthen me. I believe I will find the better one. Positive. About the the letter, I consult with the job hunting management agent about how to write down a resignation letter. In Japanese manner, it's commonly written as "I decide to resign because of a personal reason". So, there is no detail reason, even being clear on pointing XX and XY. I do agree with you that I do not want the same happen in the future, or at least the company aware that disease is inside, I write that "I decide to resign because this is the best interest for my mental health". Still, I do not point out XX and XY. I have sent the letter and I will receive the official resignation in a week. Now, one of the staff who is my good friend in the company texts me: "there are the same cases this year. Could you detail us who causes and how this traumatism happen to you?". Do you think I should take this chance to tell the truth to the company, in a formal way for example? .....but, I still feel nervous and discomfort (even right now). I think I won't be ready for it.

    @Kakoli Majumder this lil sister (I) faces many difficulties...and you are always standing by. I feel a tons of hug from you. I am proud of myself too that I could recognize the toxic and be brave on the decision. Thank you.

  • chris leonard
    chris leonard Member, Administrator, Moderator Posts: 128 admin

    @Yufita Chinta - I would still do it. You're not doing it for you - you're doing it for the people you leave behind who still have to work with these people, or for the new people who are coming in. As I said, to avoid conflict you could do this on your last day (or even after you have left) - but not doing so has its own consequences too.

  • Yufita Chinta
    Yufita Chinta Member Posts: 105 ✭✭✭✭

    @chris leonard You're right. I think I'll prepare myself to do it after leaving the company. I appreciate the encouragement.

  • Melissa Libres
    Melissa Libres Member Posts: 1

    I attended the webinar earlier and I found you here in R Voice and then I saw this. You are very brave for prioritizing your well-being. Your future self will thank you for doing this. I hope you find a new job that is still in your interest but this time, a healthier environment.

  • Yufita Chinta
    Yufita Chinta Member Posts: 105 ✭✭✭✭

    hello @Melissa Libres. Thank you for letting me know that you were attending the webinar. Hopefully you get some informative points.

    I am also hugely glad you found me here. And thank you so much for your positive comment and wish. I appreciate. It was a difficult time to make the difficult decision. I do agree with you that a healthier environment is the most atmosphere I need right now. You are also right, I can't imagine how many tears to thanking my current self in the future 🤗

  • Adaora Anyichie - Odis
    Adaora Anyichie - Odis Member Posts: 74 ✭✭✭

    @Yufita Chinta your mental health is very important. The best decision you took was taking a walk (resigning). Working in a toxic environment is very bad. You must love yourself so much to have taken this decision....you are a brave woman.