When is stress bad for you? — R Voice

When is stress bad for you?

Lidia Lins
Lidia Lins Member Posts: 3 ✭✭✭

Hi guys,

I have made this video and I thought it could be useful to some of you, as I got some related questions from the webinar I offered in January.

"Stress is a body protection mechanism to react against dangerous situations. While it can be negative in some cases, it can also be useful in others. So, when is stress actually bad for you?"

Let's start a discussion on that?🤓

Comments

  • Raj sundaram
    Raj sundaram Member Posts: 92 ✭✭✭
    edited March 29

    For me, stress is bad when it starts affecting normal life and behaviour. Stress is bad when my eating and sleeping change radically. Worse case of stress is when I have extreme negative emotions (anger, fear, etc.) that I have to make a huge amount of effort to contain causing more stress for myself. Worst case of stress is negative emotions spilling out in behaviour despite me trying to contain, causing more stress for myself and others. 🙄

  • Lidia Lins
    Lidia Lins Member Posts: 3 ✭✭✭

    Indeed Raj, when stress becomes chronic it starts to affect our daily routine. So important to notice that!🙏

  • Gustavo Goes
    Gustavo Goes Member Posts: 0

    Do you have any research on stress in parenting during covid-19?

  • Lidia Lins
    Lidia Lins Member Posts: 3 ✭✭✭

    @Gustavo Goes , I don't do research on stress, I work as a stress counselor.

    I am currently not aware of any research on the topic especifically for COVID, but if I come across something I will let you know.

  • Dahlia T
    Dahlia T Member Posts: 32 ✭✭✭

    @Lidia Lins , indeed, stress is a very important part of our daily lives. In some sense, it keeps us on our toes and helps us to overcome inertia ...even cognitive boredom. My understanding is that the right stress, in the right dosage can be a growth factor. However, the wrong kind of stress and the wrong amount of some types of stress can be toxic and erosive, inhibiting rather than nurturing growth.

    I am purposefully driven to water the soil to grow the seed that is already planted. 

  • Lidia Lins
    Lidia Lins Member Posts: 3 ✭✭✭

    @Dahlia T you have summarized that perfectly!💜

  • Yufita Chinta
    Yufita Chinta Member Posts: 25 ✭✭✭

    It is a great point @Lidia Lins that first we need to recognize the stress as the reaction to protect ourselves. And then, second, as @Dahlia T says, we need to embrace the stress as an important part of our daily lives and use it as the fertilizer, instead of herbicide. Thanks guys....beautiful learning 😍

  • Dahlia T
    Dahlia T Member Posts: 32 ✭✭✭

    @Yufita Chinta and @Lidia Lins ... I personally confess that I am horrible at managing 'toxic' stress. For one, I always tend to think that it is more to do with me, i.e. a 'lack' on my part. I think that perhaps I am not well equipped or as equipped to 'handle' or that there are things I need to change, especially with myself. I tend to fall very hard and practically wilt under adverse stress, especially when it is due to certain types of human behaviour that I just cannot reconcile with how I think we as human beings should be toward each other. As a result, I find that I tend to 'stay' longer in those situations for far too long and end up doing much harm to my wellbeing, even my confidence. I am really trying to level up in that department ... and being in a space where I can see & hear from others, as well as share my thoughts openly is a nurturing factor 🙏

    Side note, @Lidia Lins you have the same name as one of my siblings & my bestest friend ever 😊 ...her spelling is Ledia 😉

    I am purposefully driven to water the soil to grow the seed that is already planted. 

  • Lidia Lins
    Lidia Lins Member Posts: 3 ✭✭✭

    @Dahlia T , recognizing it is a very important step! for some people the transformation process takes longer than for others, and that's ok! try not to compare yourself with others, because there is no recipe that one should follow. Trust the process 😉

  • Raj sundaram
    Raj sundaram Member Posts: 92 ✭✭✭
    edited March 31

    @Dahlia T completely resonates with me. "the lack on my part" and trying to change yourself...oh my, I just felt...this is me. 🙃

    As usual at the risk of sounding contrarian to the popular narrative, I then kind of understood that we live in an age of self help and responsibilization that isolates and blames individuals for larger issues. And then, tables are turned and individuals, especially those who score higher on conscientiousness and being responsible are gaslit. This is not just an observation in my own case, but in many other cases.

    One way that seems to work for me is I actively look for the root cause of my stress. Am I trying to fix someone else's mess by being responsible and taking the high road? Am I being exploited because of power play? If yes, I write it down in plain words. And write down that I am taking the high road or am making my next move in this game on a tilted board to protect my wellbeing, my team, our work, etc. Uttering my next move with my intentions made clear seems to help me.

  • Yufita Chinta
    Yufita Chinta Member Posts: 25 ✭✭✭

    Ow, @Dahlia T so do I....I am not good at managing myself to recognize and receive the stress. It is hard, frankly. I try to do as same as @Raj sundaram does....looking for the root of the stress. And sometimes, the stress actually is caused by myself....over thinking or over sensitive after many many considerations and analyses....that's always the hardest part for me to admit.

  • Raj sundaram
    Raj sundaram Member Posts: 92 ✭✭✭
    edited April 1

    @Yufita Chinta ...

    Perhaps...you are blaming yourself for "overthinking" and being "oversensitive"? I used to think both as character flaws in me. And beat myself up, or at least tried really hard to change. That didn't serve me well. At all!

    Then...I decided I was going to embrace both "overthinking" and "oversensitivity" and look for the real reasons. Usually, there are concrete reasons why we act out defensively or with oversensitivity. It could be a hurt running deeper than we realize.... something we've been ignoring.

    In my case, I "overthink" or am "oversensitive" usually because I'm sensing danger and I'm trying to protect something...myself or the team...or something worthwhile. I try to pinpoint what is the trigger...what am I fearing. Then, I prepare for the worst case, respond by strike or defend, or do nothing...if that is in the best interest.

    Our emotions are always trying to tell us something...usually it is very important. Like most, I have been conditioned to believe emotions are bad or irrational. But with experience, I now realize emotions are as valuable if not more valuable than logic! Emotions are older than logic and have been fine tuned over thousands of years of evolution, after all. 🙂

  • Percy Mdunge
    Percy Mdunge Member Posts: 2

    Thank you this video and your YouTube channel, I also like to the video on "the two types of happiness". Hope to see and learn more from your channel!

  • Yufita Chinta
    Yufita Chinta Member Posts: 25 ✭✭✭

    Thanks for sharing your experience and thought, @Raj sundaram

    I might blame myself so much. In my self experience, it's better to blame myself than blame others...sometimes including the one who irritates me. In some level, maybe it could be bad and toxic for me. It becomes hard for me now to recognize which level my self-blaming action is. I think I should re-think all of my responses in this post.

    Sorry if I confuse you, @Dahlia T.

  • Raj sundaram
    Raj sundaram Member Posts: 92 ✭✭✭
    edited April 5

    @Yufita Chinta : Please dont blame yourself for blaming yourself.  😉  It just conveys to me that you are an extremely responsible person. And people like us need to take care of and protect ourselves.

    I think blaming oneself and taking responsibility for things one is not responsible for is kind of toxic. Not just for oneself but to the system as well. This is just my opinion.

    The popular narrative is "Take responsibility even if you are not responsible". We are also told that this is supposed to be empowering. I was a huge proponent of all this myself. And followed it so hard that I was being exploited and it led to beating myself up. Also, taking responsbility and blaming yourself for other people's mistakes - especially those with power - is not really empowering. It is draining. And if we become drained - we are blamed for that as well - "You are not creating boundaries, you are trying to please people!". It is "Heads I win, tails you lose".

    So - my take is - protect myself so that I can protect and contribute to others and to things that matter.

    The other bad side effect of "taking all the burden of responsibility" is that it creates unnecessay unfairness in the system, creates predators who make use of others, and tilts power balance usually in favor of those who already have a lot of power. In my observation, most people spouting the advice "Take responsbility" are those who are priveleged, in power and oblivious of both, are not taking responsbility for their own actions. So, I felt I should not contribute to or excacerbate this kind of a system.

    So - these days - I take responsibility for what I am really responsible for. If I make a mistake, if things go wrong for things I am responsible for - I obviously take responsibility. I look at power dynamics and understand who has power, who needs to take responsibility - including my own position in terms of power and responsibility.

    If I am cleaning up someone ELSE's mess - I make it clear - at least to myself (depending on circumstances to others as well) that this is what I am doing and why I am doing this.

  • Andrea Hayward
    Andrea Hayward Member, Administrator, Moderator Posts: 82 admin
    edited April 5

    @Lidia Lins you took me back to my early days in college with this video, specifically back to some of my initial Psychology classes where I was introduced to the difference between 'Eustress' and 'Distress.' I'd always viewed stress a negative and wasn't aware that sometimes stress can be "good stress" like the anticipation of the first day at a new job or the kind of nerves you feel before meeting someone for the first time or before a presentation. Thanks for the reminder 🙂

  • Lidia Lins
    Lidia Lins Member Posts: 3 ✭✭✭

    Thank you @Andrea Hayward for your comment. Indeed, if we don't feel a little stressed before a presentation it might mean that what we are doing is not really important to us. Excitement is good!

    @Raj sundaram and @Yufita Chinta , your discussion made me think that "overthinking" and being "oversensitive" happens, it is part of our condition as human beings to try to foresee the future. you might ask, what is the solution for that then?

    In my personal experience, the more we are connected to ourselves, to who we are and to what we want, the sooner we will identify those circumstances and act on it before it becomes too big, before we start to identify ourselves with our thoughts.

  • Yufita Chinta
    Yufita Chinta Member Posts: 25 ✭✭✭

    Thanks @Raj sundaram and @Lidia Lins

    At least, now, I need a cup of coffee to be relax to be connected to myself, and then start identifying the 'overthinking' and 'oversensitive' stuffs, and then smile...

  • Jayashree R
    Jayashree R Member, Administrator, Moderator Posts: 44 admin

    Thanks @Lidia Lins - I clearly remember you mentioning this during your talk as well - that stress could in fact be good and drive you to perform better and be alert. You mentioned how you too were slightly stressed before your talk 🙂 I agree. In my case, stress happens easily and often the good stress transforms into bad stress, when I start letting it spill over on how I interact with those closest to me. Being mindful of what I am feeling or experiencing helps me a lot.

  • Dahlia T
    Dahlia T Member Posts: 32 ✭✭✭

    @Yufita Chinta , you did not confuse me at all. I am a bit delayed catching up properly on messages 🌿 Reading your response and the others since then in this thread has really been an eye opener (for me). Often we sit on the side lines lost in our own thoughts thinking perhaps we are the only ones feeling a certain way or no one else will understand. Then, someone starts a conversation and it is within this open sharing that we start to realise we are not so 'unique' afterall ...and there is much nurturing to be gained from the volley of ideas.

    I am purposefully driven to water the soil to grow the seed that is already planted. 

  • Yufita Chinta
    Yufita Chinta Member Posts: 25 ✭✭✭

    Great to hear that from you, @Dahlia T

    I am pouring water to my seed too 😊. Let's not forget to take a break, have a cup of coffee, and smile....

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